


I'm Not Your Pretty Princess

by JaysNarnia



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Blood, Drinking, Drug Use, F/M, One Shot, Sadstuck, Suicide, Suicide Notes, implied prostitution, implied self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 08:30:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaysNarnia/pseuds/JaysNarnia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dirk recalls Roxy Lalonde's difficult past when he has to deal with her being gone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Not Your Pretty Princess

You don’t know how it all started, she was so amazing now it’s all...fuck. You can’t do this anymore. She’s gone and the horrible feeling in your gut won’t go away, and holy shit you cannot do this! You’re pulling your hair right now, the pain not even reaching you. You’re so dazed and depressed you can’t take it. How did everything end up this way? How did things have to be so wrong? Squinting and closing your eyes, you remember what happened.

 

~

 

It all started with Roxy being obsessed with finding out her real mom. Over coffee one day she kept on talking about a famous woman who wrote many novels. “It’s her Dirky! I know it is, I’ve done all the research and it’s gotta be her!” You had smiled at her, excited on how she had figured the mystery of her missing mother. You both had grown up in foster care together, never leaving each other’s side. And now she had figured it out.

Oh, you told her how she shouldn’t be obsessed with this woman, how she should focus on her future. She had gotten angry, Roxy was a determined lady when it came down to it. You weren’t ready to find a sniffling girl knock on your apartment one cold November. She had contacted her real mother and the lady rejected her. The mother Roxy had looked for was gone, and it ripped out her heart.

You, of course, comforted her the best you could. Jane and Jake did their best too, but after awhile you had noticed Roxy had taken up drinking. It wasn’t that bad at first, an occasional drunken message on your voicemail popped up now and then. But she wasn’t gone, she was still your happy go lucky smart girl.

That is until Roxy had shown up for work drunk off her ass. Oh, you had warned her about the drinking, but she didn’t listen, she was two parts bull headed and one part as stubborn as a donkey. So the lab kicked her out, they had said that it was a danger to everyone that she was drunk. No warnings they gave her, just the boot. After that, you were hard pressed to find her sober.

Roxy was dating a lovely man at the time. When she had first showed him to you, you made sure he was alright for your closest friend. Your opinions always mattered to Roxy. They had dated for two months now, and they seemed to be in love. Or so you thought. Roxy wouldn’t and couldn’t stop drinking, and soon she was out of a home and a boyfriend.

Jane and Jake had offered their home. You would have offered yours, but the clutter of robots and spare parts took up your whole living space. Even the room for you was limited.

She stayed with them both for a while, and after a while Jane became quite angry. Roxy never lifted a finger, she was always in a drunken stupor. Of course Jake didn’t have much in the say of Roxy. He was spineless to the whole thing and pretended there wasn’t a problem. Every time you came over Jane was yelling at Roxy and Jake was sitting on his hands making small talk with you. Some days you wanted to deck him in the face to stick up for her, but you didn’t. It always ended with you storming out after hugging Roxy a goodbye. All your friendships were rocky during this time, and you found yourself at the bar on more than one occasion, cigarettes were also bought to calm your frayed nerves.

Until one night Jane called you saying that Roxy had just left. You jumped up and had looked for her for hours. Coming back to a sobbing Jane and a tight lipped Jake, you shook your head. She was nowhere to be found.

Roxy came into and out of your life in staccato bursts. There with you a day, gone the next. She was doing badly, you could tell. He hair was greasy and hung by her face. She was thin, oh so thin, and when you looked at her arms, they were full of needle scars and self harm wounds. A bottle of an unknown liquor followed her around, and she always smelled like piss, b.o, and sex. This was a good indicator on how she made money to buy the drugs and alcohol. Roxy was a mess; the girl you had known and loved was gone.

Jane and Jake never knew about your visits with Roxy. They had their own lives to get on with, Jane was pregnant with their third kid when Roxy wound up in a hospital.

Of course the call had to be at like one in the morning, but you hightailed it out of your apartment to see her. She was in the ICU, so many things wrong, overdose on some sort of drug, alcohol poisoning, starvation and malnourishment, some infected wound. Roxy was literally dying when they had brought her in. That night you prayed to whoever was up there to make your little girl, your pink-eyed cat loving beauty to survive, to get better. It was a miracle, but she survived.

She was in the hospital for a couple weeks, becoming stronger and healthier. Jane and Jake almost visited daily, sometimes bringing little Jade and John with them. Roxy always cooed and cuddled them both. She made a great aunt you had thought, how she always made the little ones laugh. You of course offered to pay her high medical bills; you could afford it easily. And after a few weeks out of the hospital and rehab, Roxy was herself again, happy and smiling. She was the woman you had fallen so badly for, and hell, you were trapped by her charms again.

Roxy finally got a job and a nice apartment near yours. She was doing well for herself, better than she had in years. Everything had seemed in place, and you were gathering your courage to tell how much you cared for her. But Roxy apparently had bouts of depression; her demons hadn’t left her, she was still scarred badly from her darkened past.

You had given a couple neighbors your phone number to have them call you if Roxy was in trouble. You had never expected them to actually follow up on your request, but a warm spring saturday evening, your phone went off. Immediately, you ran to the door when one of the neighbors had reported that they heard bottles breaking and retching sounds emit from her apartment. In record time you were pounding on her door to let you in. Loud sobbing came from behind the door, not opening up for you. Finally after almost screaming yourself hoarse, you picked her lock and came barreling in. You found her trying to suck down a bottle of prescription medication. “Oh hell no Roxy, you ain’t leaving us now!” you hissed at her. Sticking your fingers down her throat, you got her to throw up the pills. She’s still sobbing and half screaming at you for not letting her die.

You drag her into the living room and try to have her sit down on the couch, but instead she goes to the liquor bottles. You intercept her and take them all. She’s now screaming and kicking you, saying that those were hers; that you couldn’t throw it all away. You drain all the bottles of booze. Roxy is now kicking and punching you, but you don’t care. Hugging her tight to you, you say how much you love her, how that she was so precious to you. She’s long since stopped fighting you and now is just crying into you.

You both fall asleep happy and content. She was alright now, your Roxy was okay.

  
  


~

  
  


You wake up with a dry mouth. Sitting up, you rub your eyes, trying to get all the sleep out of them. Stretching a bit, you sit there trying to realize what was missing from the picture. It then hits you this isn’t your place...this is Roxy’s. Your eyes widen, she was gone! Where the hell was she? You look around in confusion and search her bedroom, until you walk into the kitchen. There’s a note. _Oh god, no...this can’t be!_ You freeze and it feels like you’ve gone numb. Looking briefly at the note, you then dash into the bathroom.

The smell of blood bombards you, and there she is, pale as a sheet of paper and slightly blue. Her eyes are wide, and her mouth makes a small “o”. The bathtub is filled with her spilled blood; the cuts in her wrists indicate where she had bled out. Falling to your knees, you crawl up to the tub. Your face is now stained with tears as you kiss her cold, dead lips. A sob tears its way out, and you can’t hold them back any more. Closing her eyes gently with your fingers, you let the note drop from your hand.

 

~

 

_Dear Dirk Strider:_

_Hey! I never really wrote a suicide note before. You only get that once, right?? So I’d better make this gud. Goode. Good. Shit, pen. Fuck, I already ruined this. Whatever._

_I just wanted to let you know that you’re the best fucking boy a girl could ask for. You just need a horse and youre like a fucking prince! You’re. My grammar sucks so fucking bad but I can’t see this paper well. Anyways you’re real brave and strong anf and you really make me smile all the time and then my cheeks hurt._

_Okay what I’m trying to say here is that you’re so fucking great and I love you. You’re the greatest anime lookin dude a chuck chick could ever ask fotr. For. Never write suicide notes in the dark while feelin like shit because you make shitty notes. I love you so damn much and I want to be with you forever and hug you and kiss you and fuck you hard and fuck you gently and go on dates and kiss under fireworks and do all those pretty romantic things like in the movies. Thing is, I’m a fucking mess. I’m all broken and tangled up and you don’t want this baggage, Dirk, all this responcibility for me. That’s probably spelled wrong but fuck spelling. I don’t want you to think of me like a load when I’m supposed to be your pretty pink princess. I’m a fucking mess and you don’t wanna date a fucking mess, Dirk, nobody does._

_So, cheers. Here’s hopin you can find another girl who’s better than I’ll ever ever ever ever ever be._

_With love,_

_XXOO,_

_< 3,_

_Roxy LaLonde_

**Author's Note:**

> A sad one shot that came to me at like 2 am yesterday. I had to write it and oh man did it give me a hard time. My friend looked over it and wrote the note at the end, so kudos to her! Please comment, kudos, and bookmark! Woo! Something other than John/Dave hahah.


End file.
